I would venture to guess that most bloggers will feel some sense of obligation to post today-the final day of not only the year, but of the decade. Anyone on social media will probably post a message or meme…wishes for the new year and some comment on a new year’s resolution.
For me, this is way more personal, as this decade has given and taken quite a lot. This post is from me to the last ten years-to say, we’re GOOD. I strolled into 2010 and found myself crawling into 2012. 2011 broke everything inside of me, leaving me in a heap on the floor as I struggled to keep it together for the two amazing little girls I was trying to raise.
The first months of 2012 found me back on my feet, willing to look over my shoulder and lean back a little bit on the support that God himself gave me-my circle of angels and prayer warriors that fought for me when I simply could not. And at some point, before the end of that year, I exhaled and smiled.
2014 took from me the irreplaceable-my unborn son. Even through that, I knew I was not alone. I still grieve for him, mourn and break down when it hits…and that’s ok. One of the many lessons I have learned and share is that, there is no timeline for our grief.
The years that followed brought love-new, unconditional love that came without fear. The kind that grows, endures through storms, emerging even stronger. They brought growth and accomplishments. They brought loss, frustration, restlessness…they took friendships and gave a tribe. They have brought an evolving sense of self and the gradual shedding of fears and doubts, as I continue to become who I am meant to be.
Anxiety struck earlier today-yet another token of the past decade. I tried to understand the reason for it, then allowed myself to release it as I enjoyed hours of coffee and conversation with one of the best gifts of friendship the decade has given me.
I seldom allow myself to look back on the decade-some of it is too painful, refusing to heal, or it incites too much anger. At this moment, however, I am in a different place…
“Suelta mi mano ya por favor, entiende que me tengo que ir…”
Please let go of my hand, understand that I have to go.
The new decade holds more untold stories, the unfolding of God’s plan for me. I am far from who I was at the beginning of the decade-changed involuntarily and because I had no choice but to change in order to be who I was becoming.
For those of you who weathered the storms and have emerged-shaken and bruised-never underestimate the fact that you EMERGED. Let your story be known-you don’t know who may need to hear it-and never be ashamed of the scars. May the new decade guide you towards your purpose and may you always possess the courage to pursue it.
As for resolutions-I refuse. Promises made for temporary self-improvement only to be broken in the first weeks of the new year…all of this pressure that we place on ourselves because tradition laced with social media make us feel required to do so. If we truly seek to better ourselves, we have to be realistic with regards to possible lapses and be willing to pick back up and keep going.
To the last ten years-its been real.
To the next ten-let’s do this.